I feel compelled to repost this article I had written back in December 2016. Of late I have noticed a surge of the ‘Be Good’ Mindset in my coaching sessions. So once again I am bringing to the forefront this very important distinction.
Most of us walk around with what is known as the ‘Be Good’ mindset. We believe we have to be good at something: an activity, job, career or profession. We also yearn to be good as somebody: spouse, parent, relative, employee, or leader. It does not matter what life area or life role we look at, we tell ourselves we have to be good at it.
But this ‘Be Good’ message pigeon holes us. It locks us in, as we think we have to fit into it at all times, perfectly. There is no wiggle room. We have to reach a certain potential and stay at it no matter what. If we don’t, we see ourselves as failures. This sets us up for anxiety, stress, under achievement, low motivation and lack of joy.
Heidi Grant-Halvorson, Ph.D, (psychologist, researcher and consultant) points out The Incredible Benefits of a ‘Get Better’ Mindset. You can watch her video here. She calls it “the tending of your mind soil”. She compares the two side by side:
BE GOOD MINDSET
Proving: Am I smart, talented, and creative?
Demonstrating skills: How am I showing up in work, life, society?
Performing better than others: How am I compared to other people?
GET BETTER MINDSET
Improving: Am I becoming smarter, more talented, creative?
Developing skills: How am I growing in work, life and society?
Performing better than myself in the past: How am I compared to how I did in the past?
People in the ‘Get Better’ mindset outperform those in the ‘Be Good’ mindset. In the ‘Get Better’ mindset we tend to be happier and hopeful of the future. We reframe our experience and our goals. We view setbacks as bumps in the road instead of negative statements of self-worth (I am bad / I am not good enough). We view goals as attainable not impossible. We believe we have to try differently or harder which creates room for movement. It is a fluid process, not a static finish line. Benefits include more interest, enjoyment, deeper thinking, creativity, persistence and superior performance. Clearly this is a winning deal for us.
Which one do you want to adopt: the ‘Be Good’ mindset that is learned conditioning, but reeks of stagnancy with no scope for improvement, or the ‘Get Better’ mindset that has the fragrance of growth and the promise of more? Shift your mindset and see what possibilities you didn’t even know existed. Let your inner owl / ‘Wise Self’ guide you as you explore a whole new world.