“Temperance describes strengths that help you manage habits and protect against excess.”
It puts the brakes on the urge to act on unhealthy behaviors based on hurt, anger, conceit, impatience, lethargy. It then introduces a modifying approach. It is a great potion for balance.
The four strengths grouped under this category of protective wellbeing are: Forgiveness, Humility, Prudence, and Self-Regulation.
1. Forgiveness: “My senior manager berated me in front of my peers with such scathing disdain, I feel humiliated.” Head bowed, shoulders slumped, eyes averted, you shuffle to your cubicle brimming with hurt. You sit and stew over it. Ruminating only makes you bitter and resentful. It harms you more. Letting go of the resentment frees you up.
Forgiveness does not mean condoning or forgetting someone’s errant behavior. It means learning from the event and distancing yourself to gain a new perspective. The other person was out of line. You hold her accountable for it. You state your right to be treated with respect by speaking up. Then make the mindful choice to let it go, which is a psychological response. It may or may not mean reconciliation, which is a behavioral response. You will stay vigilant going forward, without dwelling on it. The injustice and the resulting wound no longer hold you captive. You ease the pain with a healthy dose of forgiveness. It makes us flexible, have satisfying relationships, amp up morale and hope.
It is the best gift you give yourself, “a powerful corrective.”
2. Humility: While debriefing his VIA character strengths a client examined ‘humility’ on his survey results and burst out, “Heck no! I am definitely not humble. I would not be successful if I was.” He saw it as a weakness. He prided himself in exuding self-confidence, being audacious and bold. His chest puffed out with pride, as he squared his shoulders and sat up straight on the unpretentious couch. I see this as a classic dilemma. Humility is often scoffed at as a hindrance to progress. Yet the reverse is true.
As a humble person you have unshakable confidence in your ability. You are secure in a realistic self-image, aware of both strengths and areas of development. You do not have the need to be the center of attention as you are not ego driven. You let your actions speak for themselves. You do not have to blow your own horn. That is when conceit disguised as confidence tips the scales to your disadvantage. Modulate your self-assurance with a generous dollop of humility. It heightens general well-being, tolerance and social bonds without being trapped by societal expectations.
“We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.” Rabindranath Tagore, Indian philosopher.
3. Prudence: “What do you mean you dented the car?! Have you no regard for traffic safety? What were you thinking?” Yes you are concerned about your teen’s safety as well as furious about their negligence. But what shows through is your sharp disapproval only. Frequently, it is so easy to be impulsive and say and do what is uppermost in our minds without regard to how it is going to land or affect the situation. Its significance could be immediate or long term.
You might pride yourself in singular honesty, yet that strength can be overused. To stop and consider the consequences before acting on your thoughts and emotions takes practice. The ability to apply the ‘pause principle’, step back, wait a minute, and gain clarity is about leveraging forethought.
You are still taking reasonable risks but after doing a cost-benefit analysis. Some may dismiss it as being stuffy or rigid. In reality, you are using ‘wise caution’ increasing productivity, decisiveness, optimism, insight and diligence. As you dial down impatience, you develop prudence.
“It helps us avoid the mishaps of life, both physical and psychological.”
4. Self-Regulation: “Ah, self-discipline is for the rigid, compulsive, anal personality. It’s not for me. I am a free spirit, unencumbered by rules.” I have often encountered micro-expressions of scorn, rolling eyes, crinkling nose, shaking head, or outright guffaw at the suggestion of self-regulation. It sounds onerous, tedious and downright ‘boring’. Yet, it is the keel that rights the boat during a storm and the road map that leads you to your goals. Self-regulation provides both direction and stability. It is about controlling whims, appetites, attention, posture, impulses and emotions.
In the name of a laissez-faire attitude, lethargy can sneak up on you stealthily. You want to protect yourself from this creepy, insidious state that takes on a life of its own. In the name of spontaneity, overindulgence in pleasures can blindside you when you least suspect it. It is in creating a daily routine, scheduling healthy habits that you can ward off laziness and excess. You are practicing delayed gratification, mindfulness and self-compassion. You achieve long term goals, have robust self-esteem and flourish in life!
“It helps keep a sense of balance, order and progress in life.”
So get your protective wellbeing index high by tempering yourself and become softer and stronger. You will stand taller.
A special mention: As I wrote this I had a mini revelation. My father was a great proponent of the virtue of temperance and lived his life in that vein. He exemplified the above four strengths on a daily basis. On the VIA character strengths survey they ranked amongst his top ten. I deeply admire and respect him for these life lessons. He passed away a year ago in April. This seems to be a fitting tribute to him!