AVOIDANCE | APPROACH | ATTACHMENT. In the previous newsletter you were introduced to the 3 operating systems in your brain. You know you have the choice to decide which one you wish to use at any given time.
1) Avoidance:
Your boss calls a sudden meeting with you within the hour. Your heart starts to pound about the implications of being summoned abruptly. It is about the major project you had just submitted.
The fight-flight-freeze response in your Primitive (Reptilian) Brain is activated. It is a gut reaction to a perceived threat to keep yourself safe. It is fear and anxiety driven. ‘Stress’ hormones adrenaline and cortisol are released. You are tempted to respond with “I will be on a conference call through the rest of the day. Sorry we will have to reschedule.” Your avoidance operating system is turned on.
2) Approach:
You sit up, square your shoulders and lift your chin up. The emotional Middle (Mammalian) Brain is activated. You are excited about the project and confident you did meticulous work. You realize that whatever feedback you receive will only be helpful. If it is hyper critical, you can assert yourself and respond with your own perspective. If it is constructive, you can listen and learn from your mistakes. You are optimistic and hope filled. You draw upon your resources and strengths of love of learning, curiosity, fairness, perseverance and self-compassion. ‘Happiness and motivation hormones’ dopamine and endorphins are released. You respond with “Sure, as soon as I am done with this email I will be right there.” Your approach operating system is turned on.
3) Attachment:
As you walk over to the boss’ office you rehearse a greeting, modulating your tone of voice and staying open minded. The abstract reasoning of the New (Primate) Brain is activated. You are looking at the bigger picture. At the end of the day you want what is best for your client, your product and your company, not to please a hard boss. You recall that she too has had a personal crisis to deal with.
You walk in, shake her hand and ask her about her situation before the discussion begins. You have connected with the human side of her. You are empathy focused. You lean into your desire for connection and language. ‘Cuddle’ hormone oxytocin is released. You respond with, “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Now let’s talk about the reason for today’s meeting.” Your attachment operating system is turned on.
It is empowering to realize you do not have to be held hostage by a challenging situation. You have the freedom to choose which brain you use. Shift the gears in your head. It is downright freeing!