A young woman is demonstrating to her eager grandmother the world of connectivity through the mobile phone. It is captivating to see the genuine joy of one and the incredulous delight of the other. This moment in time is alive with shared energy that is emotional, social, psychological and biological.
This is that moment when both parties experience the positive effects of social connection. Mirror neurons (type of brain cells) are firing in the brain, heart rates are syncing, oxytocin also known as the ‘love hormone’ is being released, and the parasympathetic nervous system is being activated lowering all vital signs to equilibrium. This brings us to a rest and recharge mode. It is a biological wonder that brings about ‘an embodied feeling of connection”.
In Tomorrowmind: Thriving at Work – Now and in an Uncertain Future, authors Kellerman and Seligman describe social connection eloquently through the idea of Rapid Rapport. They define these graded steps.
- Sympathy
You walk into work and see a colleague with his head in his hands as he just got word that his father has passed away. You put a hand on his shoulder and say, “I am so sorry for your loss.” You imagine his feelings at a rational level, without necessarily experiencing them yourself. - Empathy
A step up, you feel the emotions of the other person as well. You recognize what it is like to have that gut wrenching pain in the pit of your stomach and the rush of grief wanting to gush out unrestrained. There is an emotional connection of ‘shared feelings’ over and above the intellectual one, and you can feel it in your own body.
- Compassion
At a higher level, your feelings prompt you to take action to relieve the other’s pain. You offer to drive your colleague home, or take over for him at work while he takes personal time off. You have his back. He knows it. It lends itself to a mutually positive experience. You demonstrate the intention to help with kindness.
- Rapid Rapport
Eventually, in addition to an occasional or a one-time event when you express empathy and compassion, you develop a regular, mindful practice of expressing both to create a bond that is sustainable over time. You build rapport.
These are essential skills to develop at work for higher productivity, longer tenure and a thriving work culture. These are stellar strengths to cultivate in our personal lives as well.
Barbara Fredrickson author of Love 2.0: Finding Happiness & Health in Moments of Connection introduced the concept of Positivity Resonance.
It is a momentary experience that occurs when two or more people have an interpersonal connection characterized by three features: (1) shared positive affect, (2) mutual care and concern, and (3) behavioral and biological synchrony (Fredrickson, 2013, 2016).
When we feel deeply connected to others we feel it in our bodies. We are calmer and warmer. Time slows down. There is a health benefit to both as well. The vagus nerve (a cranial nerve that links the brain and the gut) is activated. This raises the vagal tone index making our ability to regulate emotions and reduce stress stronger. This index is measured by our heart rate variability, that is how much the heart rate strays from its baseline. Surprisingly higher variability is related to greater adaptability of the heart and lower cardio vascular risk. It enhances our overall well-being.
So like the millennial and her silent generation counterpart up above, you too can take a moment to connect with a peer, colleague, friend or elder. The more you invest in social connections where ‘shared feelings’ are generated, the healthier and happier you are bound to be. Talk about a tonic for optimal health!