Happy New Year! As you usher in 2025, with new resolutions, a fresh perspective, and renewed energy, chomping at the bit to rush out of the gate, I invite you to pause. Yes. Amidst the clamor of artificial intelligence, digital savvy, and external resources that make your heart race, take a moment to step back, tap into your reserve of internal resources and turn your gaze and attention to your true self. Ask yourself if you wish to step out into the world bringing your authentic self forward, be it at home, work, or social settings.
Authenticity / Integrity / Honesty has been the integral theme of several coaching sessions of late. Clients are turning the spotlight on to the yearning to be more true to themselves, no matter the context. It has been an eye opener for me to see how sought after this invaluable asset has become.
Mary recognized the psychological weight that was involved in pretending to like a gift that a friend had given her. She decided to navigate the dilemma by being both true to her feelings and being respectful of the other person’s good intentions.
Gaby engineered how she could conjure up her drive for optimal work outcomes in keeping with the best interests of the organization, to intervene where she perceived a flawed strategy recommended by C-Suite leadership. She was stepping up to use her influence and bring her perspective to the table, despite the lack of authority. She pulled up on her courage to speak up, so she could be true to her values and inner wisdom accrued over years of experience.
Sally found herself dragging her feet at work, having lost the spark ever since the pandemic changed the landscape dramatically. Instead of putting up a façade of pleasantry that felt insincere to her, she decided she would explore other career / activity options that would resonate with her at a core level and put the spring back in her step. This would free her up to show up genuinely focused on her current professional work without the malaise that otherwise plagued her.
Each was seeking relief from the turmoil and low hum of the constant churn of inner dialogue as she wrestled with her external and internal realities. Research shows that we have a natural human tendency to strive to become more authentic. Yet, it can also be complicated.
Babies are naturally sincere, oblivious to social norms, and our best teachers. So what does socialization do that mellows our legitimacy? Yes, it teaches us emotional regulation, it harkens us to consider others’ feelings, and it enlightens us to live amicably in a larger community. We begin to hold ourselves back increasingly with the desire to ‘be nice’. We fall in line with social norms. We abide by the rules set by family expectations, social circles, schools, organizations, and governments. This can come at the cost of ‘loss of self’. Now to slow that tide and reverse it takes effort. To show up in true keeping with our real selves can be daunting. Perhaps trying it out in safe environments, in small increments, with trusted individuals, may help build the courage and fortitude needed to be our authentic selves.
To my delight “Hidden Brain” podcast hosted by Shankar Vedantam very recently broadcast an episode Wellness 2.0: Be Yourself (Dec 30, 2024). He explored the cost of inauthenticity and the invaluable benefits of authenticity with his guest, Erica Bailey, Social Scientist at UC Berkeley.
The price of putting on a persona can be as high as anxiety and/or depression. It is called ‘emotional labor’ that spikes stress and negative energy as we wrestle with who we really are, recognizing it, and then being able to, or choosing to express it outwardly to others. All this introspection and decision making can be virtually enervating. It takes a heavy toll.
In sharp contrast, authenticity is linked directly to subjective well-being. We see that we are living in accordance with our values, our virtues, our character strengths. We find ourselves in flow and are totally absorbed in what we do because we are in step with who we are and what we are passionate about. We learn from previous experiences of when we were able to be our natural selves and genuinely experience joy and fulfillment. We are not preoccupied with how we are seen by others. We show up as our best self and know that we are unique. Our brain is like our fingerprint: singularly exclusive to us and we can claim it. Authenticity can be joyful, fun and real.
What if we take pride in this reality and live our lives in accordance with our true self? What if you add this determination to your list of resolutions and see how well you stay on track and how happy you really feel?
Wishing you the best for 2025.