Positive Psychology identifies five character strengths that are most related to happiness:
ZEST | CURIOSITY | HOPE | GRATITUDE | LOVE
“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” Mother Teresa, missionary.
Watching Toto the cheetah cub suckling at his mother Honey’s breast on The Big Cat Diary, Animal Kingdom, 2006 (in Maasai Mara National Reserve, Kenya) is a glimpse into the magnificence of nature. The way Honey gingerly picks Toto up, or licks him clean, or revels in his outpouring of cuddles is a symphony of love. I was struck by how there was nothing cloying or suffocating about that interplay of love. To the contrary it was playful, respectful and freeing. The hardships she goes through to keep him safe and to feed him, as well as his unwavering trust in her are still heart tugging to watch. Nature teaches us humans a lot about how to live life.
Christopher Peterson, in Positive Psychology defines love as “valuing close relationships with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated; being close to people”. As social animals we are part of the web of interdependence and need our connections with each other. There are many forms of love: parent – child, brother – sister, husband – wife, mentor – mentee, relatives, friends, neighbors, it shows up around every corner. For a moment, lean back in your chair and consider the benefits of love. You have to admit, it makes us feel good, oh so good. A word, a touch, a look, an act, it does not matter in what form it shows up, it simply feels delightful. Whether it is loving someone, or being the recipient of someone’s love, or honoring an enduring love, there is a virtual sensation of uplifting of the heart. This emotional aftermath is by far the best gift of love. There is also a physiological value: it is said love boosts our immune system. Hugs are associated with the production of the cuddle / love hormone oxytocin which is known to be heart healthy. Longevity is linked to receiving love and even more so to giving love to others. People who volunteer their time out of a genuine care for others live longer and happier; people who engage in loving-kindness meditation generating love towards others have reduced cellular aging. Along with the feel-good value, there are health benefits as well. What an incredible win-win situation!
Research is chock-a-block full of studies on the sweet paybacks of love. Studies on depression show a melancholy correlation to self-absorption, loneliness and isolation. Conversely, studies on happiness show a jubilant correlation to selflessness, social connectedness and inclusiveness. Who would not want to stave off depression and beef up happiness? It only befits us to learn how to nourish and polish this very natural propensity to love. “The capacity to love and be loved is now viewed as an innate, species-typical tendency that has powerful effects on psychological and physical health from infancy through old age.” Peterson and Seligman, ‘Character Strengths and Virtues’, 2004.
Roll that love-express out of the train station and find someone or something to love. Engage in it fully with the chugging of the engine, express it openly with the blowing of the train whistle and feel your heart swell with joy as the train gains momentum barreling down the tracks. It is infectious and liberating. As Martin Seligman states, “it brings us gratification and authentic happiness”.
In the immortal lyrics of John Lennon, “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done……..It’s easy……….All you need is Love, Love is all you need”. ~ Sushama Kirtikar, March 2015