Rick Hanson’s suggested ways of meeting your needs of wellbeing:
RECOGNIZING | RESOURCING | REGULATING | RELATING
Step 2: Resourcing
Gathering your resources to build resilience.
- Grit:
Build qualities of personal agency, resolve, patience and persistence.
Agency is your ability to act and make conscious choices. The world may act upon you, but you can choose how you respond to it. Victor Frankl says, “The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
- Resolve is steadfastness to keep your eye on your goal. “A feral intensity…….fiercely committed….strong and tenacious” says Hanson.
Patience is your tolerance of distressful situations.
Persistence is a sustained effort to solve problems and reach your goals. Angela Duckworth describes, “Grit is passion and perseverance for very long term goals.” - Gratitude:
“Positive emotions have many benefits: they support physical health by strengthening immune system and protecting cardiovascular system. They widen the perceptual field and help us see the big picture.” The gift of gratitude is immediate gratification: you feel good right away. Both you and the other person feel good. Notice the warm sensation that washes all over you. It is a win-win.
Giving thanks is being happy for others. Robert Emmons studied its benefits: optimism, happiness and self-worth. It enhances resilience. It retains clarity without clouding judgement. Practice gratitude by keeping a daily journal writing down 3 things or people you are grateful for. Recognizing others for their fortune, heightens compassion for them and creates stronger bonds and connections.
Hanson recommends keeping a pleasure diary too. Simple pleasures can be deepened to reduce stress. This is self-love, not self-indulgence. It goes beyond hedonistic pleasure to pure joy, altruism and meaning. Noting your successes, big or small, celebrating and consolidating them, propels you towards even higher goals. - Confidence:
“Every child naturally asks, Do you see me? Do you care about me? Will you treat me well?” Secure attachment within a child fosters confidence and connection. S/he develops self-worth and becomes responsive, not reactive.
Notice moments in the day when you experience being included, seen, appreciated liked and loved. Use the HEAL (have, enrich, absorb, link) steps to anchor them within you.
By being dependable, you create a safe place for others deepening their trust in you and increasing your own self-confidence.
Often your Inner Nurturer (positive voice) is over powered by your Inner Critic (negative voice). Harsh doubts and discouragement of the negative voice need to be overwritten with warm optimism and encouragement of the positive voice. Amplify the latter and consolidate its message. “You are basically a good person.” By strengthening it, it gets hardwired in the brain. That is the marvel of neuroplasticity!
These steps are affirming and self-empowering. Practice gathering your inner resources. Happy harvesting!