“Eat lunch today;don’t be lunch today”: it has been the cardinal rule of the wild. Survival comes first. Psychologist Rick Hanson in his book ‘Hardwiring Happiness’ goes on to outline how we grew into beings with a Negativity Bias.
“The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones”. It has been laced into our DNA since the Stone Age to react to negative experiences so as to avoid danger and pain. Safety was our primary need.
We continue to react negatively to stay safe physically and emotionally. It is not our fault. It is our default response or natural inclination. But its use has lessened as other needs have arisen.
We have moved from the Stone Age to the Information Age. We no longer need to stay locked in survival mode. We now seek quality of life, satisfaction and connections. We have evolved.
We can recognize our negativity bias and instead of being discouraged by it, we can act to counter balance it. Every single negative experience gets automatically shoved into storage, as we have learned from our ancestors.
Whereas every single positive experience is glanced over momentarily and lost. It barely leaves a faint trace on the landscape of the brain. That is because we spend just a few seconds appreciating the good in our life. We must learn to rest our mind a bit longer on every positive experience, then grow those experiences to strengthen their collective impact on the brain.
The faint trickle of a stream can become a full gushing river; the gentle meadow path can become a paved city road; the single tender bloom can become an entire field of robust blossoms; a single shiny pearl can become a stunning stringed necklace. Only then, do we reap the benefits of positivity.
We have to collect at least 3-5 positive experiences to offset a single negative experience. Barbara Fredrickson says the Positivity to Negativity Ratio is a minimum of 3:1 and ideally higher. Rick Hanson believes, in a relationship, you need to have at least 5 positive interactions to undo the damage of one negative one. Yes, it is work. Good news is that the negativity bias can be overcome with the positivity offset.
Practice collecting positive experiences and savor each one a bit longer, and then a bit longer, until it is embedded as a new neural pathway in the brain. That, you see, is the marvel of neuroplasticity!